my minute-ly dose

 "addiction is a monster"

no it's not.

i don't know that it was you

the addiction i had

not until i noticed how i started to grow my wrinkles on the side of my eyes

'cause i smile a lot

'cause of you, of course

you weren't a kind of someone i didn't count on my list

but not that i counted you a lot since i fought myself back then whenever i was about to

darn it, you were addicting since ever

if i could ever print your footsteps on your past path,

maybe i would

i don't know since when did my brain cells develop a lot of things

that built by every bit of your existence

no time wasted for having every dots of your shape in my imaginary

i have it all tho

i was never able to think that i will be in this world

this current world i'm living in

how the passions i get

since i found you

wait, since you found me?

or i can say, we found our path?

worry not, sweetest darling

don't you dare to worry

all the greed,

passion, that if i may to mention it one more time,

desire,

addiction,

that you might be craving for, (or do i)

i can serve you all of it

no, i'm not serving you

i am made of it

you're addicting.

you're my valium 

blessed

i am struggling to have my self under control

to not cry everytime i blinked my eyes

thank God, He send me all kind people

and especially you, my darling

you strengthen me

i was recharged

put my jacket on me

massaged my back tho it was quite silly but also very helpful

put your hand on my back 'cause it's calming me

tucked in me so i had a well rest

it recharges me a lot

to strengthen me

thank you & i love you

;

so, yesterday was a nightmare I've been avoid of

I lost my sweet lil boy, ilililil.

yesterday was a very heartbreaking even though i already took a distance since before

because I was too afraid of feeling losing anyone who i loved the most

and that was happened.

it was an open wound that i couldn't bear

i spent all hours long crying after i received the bad news

which i didn't even believe it at first, really

i cried in everywhere

at his house

at my house

in car

at morning I woke up with big swollen eyes

the eyes felt numb 'cause the pain in head and chest is way worse

i took a grieve, a lot grieves

regretting all the things i've done and i haven't done

then i realised,

he left me when i wasn't with him

'cause he knew that it would be much worse 

if i was right there

tho no matter if i was there or not,

it still left me heartbroken

i felt like a bit trauma when i saw any post in social media about cats

especially the himalayan 

but it's life

there are much regrets and acceptances i should take

so today, 

i've learnt to let you go, il

though i couldn't, actually

i've tried soo hard

but, God loves you more.

Happy up there, cilio.

Wait for me in next eternal life

Zing

We were rushing in a slow-mo time ticking at day.

It takes time

Consumes some more of us

But the zing

Collected all the sparks caused by the rhythm

And it's recharging us.

It's like a touch

No, touches

It made me for wanting more

Not a single gasp as it will waste a second

My blood runs fast in cell from the head to chest

You're the only one that I've ever desire.

4 for the 24th

 I was saying yes to you.

It was like my past dream came true.

I've been loving you so much but we never met our path at that time.

24mos and I feel like it's more than that.

I felt like I've known you for these years. 

We weren't belong to each other, but somehow I knew all the information related to you, without me being curious about it.

I think i knew you more than I ever thought.

Whole past years since we met. You were directly telling me about your life and what you dealt.

I am truly know that I know you.

I know you from the seen and unseen.

We are bound by destiny.

Roughly to say,

I had no regret to keep loving you for all these years and on..

Love you til death.